I stay with him weekends now and we holiday together. My faith Christian and kindness of female friends helped me through. Suicidal at one point but over it now and reasonably happy. Unfortunately left me with huge dislike of what i perceive as migrant gold diggers — the woman flirted so blatantly with him I found the texts on his phone Issues I still have to overcome still like trust too.
I cheat simply because I want more variety in my sex life. During my teenage years, I always liked having a different variety of women in my life. My wife fulfills me emotionally, she does everything a good wife should. I just want the physical stuff with my mistresses. We all have our different reasons to cheat, but I can assure you a lot of men cheat because they want to have sex with a beautiful sexy girl.
My boyfriend of two years suddenly started to become mean and judgmental. He no longer stood my Shortcomings and would point them out even if he knew how much they would hurt me. This started when I was going through a phase of minor depression from other factors, non of which I told him about even when he asked.
He even once told me how his pal who he was cheating on me with tells him that he has a big ego. As much as his cheating is not justified, I realized that I rarely appreciated him and his little deeds, something I knew used to make him feel good. Biology and evo- drives are unseen and easy excuses. The former throw the latter excuse of male biology into the pan. We live like fishes in a sea of conformity. Is he an ass? No answer needed. Coincidentally the same time I became dependent on his salary.
Was is that I stopped putting out? I thought so. Men cheat because they can! I am a member of a popular website for spouses looking to have affairs. I have personally talked to hundreds of men cheating or looking to cheat on their wives and I do NOT entirely agree with this article.
The reason I hear most often is that men wanting the excitement, the butterflies, and the anticipation that comes along with NEW relationships…and new sex. Most do NOT want to leave their wives and especially do not want to be separated from their children. No, cheating is not right, but in the big picture of things, it just does not really seem like a big deal to me as long as the cheating spouse keeps the family intact and happy in the meantime.
There are exceptions to the rule — but the biological reality is that men need sex at a greater frequency than women do. For whatever reason, women tend to meet the frequency demands of men before getting married. But once married, women find less reason to have sex with their husbands. Men see sex as a means to solidify an emotional connection. To show love. But they also need it from a simple, biological standpoint. Thus, men can separate love and sex. Sex with another woman will not satisfy the emotional connection a man is looking for — but it can satisfy his biological needs.
Typically a decent man will attempt to listen to the reasons for why his wife has decreased the frequency of sex. He will attempt to meet the demands of his wife whether this means helping more with the kids, helping more around the house, being there more emotionally for his wife, etc. Ironically this results in the man pulling most, if not all of the weight in the marriage. Once this occurs, and sex whether emotionally fulfilling or only biologically fulfilling , is still limited or inadequate — the man will feel that his wife is not living up to her end of the marriage.
This places the man in a very hard spot. Is it really fair to expect that a husband should endure a wife that consistently fails him as a partner? I am so over it and good riddens. Woo-Wee looking forward to not having a man in my life and just taking care of me and my babies.
Emma , I read your concerns dont waste one more hour or minute with the loser, just dont, you have a career, as you say looks intelligence, move on, and meet that man of your dreams who will appreciate you.. I hope you have done this…:. What scares me most about men cheating on women is that alot of wives have no idea their husbands are cheating. Men find ways to make excuses for all men to cheat. If you love someone you have to communicate with that person.
You try to work your problems out. If there is nothing to work out, then end it! Simple as that. Why do men cheat? Or women.. Culture, upbringing and how that culture punishes or admonishes cheating, determines the amount of cheating.
Same with any guy with a player history. Know them all by type. They can be faithful, never stray as a look at another girl — but beat you around and treat you like crap. Conversely, you can both cheat, but have an otherwise perfect relationship.
Be honest. Both of you have to want to commit to the relationship. A maintained relationship is about communication. Most men cheat because they feel inadequate or not emotionally connected. Some women cheat for this very same reason. Rarely do people change permanently.
It is in their nature to cheat and it is important to accept that. I find the only time a person understands is when you divorce them and take their assets, or make them pay high alimony, or if they are socially embarassed. Hi im saane and i am recently married.. I just wish i kno where he goes kos we both dont have cellphones to contct each other…i want more advise to keep my marriage stronger.. Hi My name is Gloria,am a 21years old and have been in a strong relationship with a guy who is 27 from the age of 17,recently i found out he gets cosy with other girls and flirts on face book with each of them wishing he could have an intimate relationship with them.
I confronted him once and he really i mean really got pissed off. So i keep quiet and decided to ignore and continue with life. Later today i was invited for a cocktail party by a friend so we went,he started looking at the women around and finally settled for one,so when i went to say hi to a couple of friends and turned my head i found him flirting with the girl as close as 2inches away,so when i was going back i decided to let them talk.
After a few minutes he came and sat next to me asking me why my mood has changed blah blah blah. Later on i stood and went to add some drink and found the same girl seating at my spot and my boyfriend pretending to walk to the gents.
I went and just smiled at him,little to notice that his male friend was there next to my boyfriend whispering to his ear that he got her number but i aint sure. I was easy i dint take when we were driving home so when we got there,he just told me this relationship will never succeed,i still kept quite.
We got into the house he is not talking to me. A few minutes later he receives a call and walks out to answer,when he got back i asked him who are you speaking to? So now we are not talking to each other. What makes you think it is okay to cheat? Ugh, people like you just disgust me. No concern for other peoples feelings, no disreguard whatsoever. Well my man cheated several times with several women. I rubbed his nose in it like the dog he was. I made him tell all family and friends the truth.
I also made sure most the women suffered. I was. Inform her what a home wrecking slut she was and was sure to also inform the girls boyfriend of three years I then made sure to put my name first on everything he owns. Sometimes sex at home become routine and boring. Sometimes in my head I would wonder if I still got the fire. There are some fantasies you dont wanna do with the woman you really love, especially the mother of your children ;..
It just get really boring but damn its better to be a smart cheat and never let her know. You will lick the wounds forever and wonder if its worth it. You know the risk but the temptation is so irresistible.
Plan your moves well. My friend has a secret cellphone number he leaves at the office desk. I think that plan is perfect too so the other girls can only call working hours.
So no sms goes to real life phone. Best excuse now is hanging out with my friends. SO proactive method is to send sms at intervals and make calls when you can before she starts calling you herself. And always let the girls know you got a woman you love at home — maybe that can reduce the emotional tension and stress when you about to dump them. Wife is precious woman never let her know.
Probably knock down 5 to 10 other women yearly or say 1 new a month. And I do not wish to stop. But maybe when the kids are above 18 maybe a divorce will be appropriate and I remain single for the rest of my life. So back to bachelorhood. Or maybe we just really reminisce so much about our bachelor days and still wish we can have both worlds. And only few men would reject indecent proposals as it where. Well as i love him and trust him and trust his love for me i didnt leave him because i understand here that some men do have this tendency to have sex with other women just for the heck of it or because of the strong sex instinct in them but that doesnt say that they love those women or are emotionally attached to them.
If someone is really sorry then he shouldnt be blame for it again and again. Good Luck. I had been into a relationship for about more than 4years. We both studied in the same college until e had to go to some other town for higher studies. He often came to meet me in my town. Everything was just so perfect.
But I somehow came to know a few months later that he was in a physical relationship with some other girl in that town,for the past one year. And I had no idea about what was going on. I trusted him blindly and he never made me feel unwanted. With each day, he showed me that his love for me was growing more intense. He never ever forced me for that. Instead he was also of the same opinion. But somehow,the conditions did made me cross my limits. We had a relation of kisses,somewhat more than that.
This thing really means a lot to me,and we both loved each other like hell. He did anything for me,He talked to me, even if he was with that girl, he never lost interest in me. And he had no attachment with that girl. And he says he would pay any damn cost to get me back.
Though they both were never so close,never talked too much,no romantic talks,no future promises,all they shared was sex. She wants him badly now and asks me to leave him. Should I give him another chance? Varied sex? I wanted him to be the once and forever man.
Please suggest me in one direction. Sounds like its have a pop at men forum. I, a man, looking for reasons why I cannot even get close to my wife to be intimate, think I have just found the answer after reading all your comments.
When you really believe in something, you start to make it happen. No exception. Man or Woman. Then he will 1try to keep it quiet or 2blame it on you. You pushed him. With men, once convinced his woman has cheated, he may then cheat himself may not be to get back at her, but to feel that he can still get his kicks. All this can be said with opposite roles.
My brothers wife ran of a left him. So its not all about that men cheat woman can cheat to. But this guy in this book seems like he has me figured out, apart from the fact that I have not cheated. Attempting and finally finishing the mountain like washing up. When all I want to do after being on my feet all day is sit down for 30minutes. I would like a reward for doing my part at the end of week or any time. A reward than she would enjoy which is being intimate with each other.
This happens 4 times a year. So do you think its my thought if I end up cheating. I hope I never would. But finding a painless way off killing myself is even hardy than cheating.
I would leave a wife and daughter behind if I cheated or if I died. If I cheat I can still give answers. If I die, the wife may know why. The daughter will have no father. The bottom line is that the stress of the relationship can build up so much that you need to relieve the stress before things go wrong. Stress builds up very quickly. Sex is a good stress reliever. It brings couples closer to. Holding it back from your spouse will just make matters worse.
If she wants it do it. She will feel better, your life will be less stressed, and she will give you all sorts of beautiful comments.
If he wants it, do it, he will love you more, he will do more to make sure you stay that way, as the book says. But not in these words. Like I said. And it looks like you women are having these issues because your drawing them into you life. The man cheats his way into getting what he wants. The woman cheats into getting what she wants. Both man and woman can be cheaters. Some men are better behaved than women.
Some women are better behaved than men. You married the person your with to keep them happy. Cheating will not make your spouse happy. If they can do it once.
Then can most likely do it again. Nowadays, you cannot trust your husband. I think every wife needs to monitor her husband.
Hiring a detective is unaffordable. Not saying its right to cheat but, just because men have sex when they cheat does not mean they cheat for sex. I was working for 8 months when i started to become ill…i was totally exhausted from work and home life because he was not working and did little in the house, which meant i didnt get a break at weekends, we also had my son and his son living in the house…anyway to cut the story short he got a text from a woman telling him she was having dirty thoughts about him, i was numb!!
You get what you give. But to run off with another woman, will not help anyone. Ladies… figure out a plan to get yourself out of a relationship with a selfish, unappreciative man. He will not change. Put your foot down. Stand up for yourself, and leave. Unless you want to go through an entire lifetime of hell, and having your children watch it go down… you deserve better, and so do your kids. Make better choices next time when it comes to a man… not these selfish, instant-gratifying losers.
Let him know you feel unappreciated, and leave. After being together for three years he ran into his ex one night. A week later she started to text and email him, innocent at first but it quickly turned sexual. He continued it for six months, I felt a change and pointed it out after four or five months. Instead of being honest he asked me to marry him and made it seem like the stress from work and asking me to marry him was why things were weird.
I accepted the marriage proposal bu he went back to the emailing texting and phone calls, sending pics back and forth etc. We had a few blow outs the year of our engagement. Five weeks to our wedding I got an email from the ex telling me what had been going on up until the week prior. When confronted I wanted to call off the wedding.
He had an emotional breakdown. Long story short he wanted to go to couselling and fix us. I still loved him, and believed him. We got married five weeks later. Fast fwd to today, he has not been going to the counsellor regularily he still goes but sporadically. He lies about the smallest things that make me wonder if he has a big lie. He let our first anniversary pass with no effort. I said if he wants to be single or with someone else I am willing to move on because I cannot be disrespected anymore.
Hi ex works a a bank and breached policies and went into my personal files, she saw me trying on wedding dresses. He wants me to treat him a cartai. Just a childish selfish arrogant jerk. My husband is cheating on me.. But he definitely emotionally chests on me several times with several women.
He just ended a 2 month emotional possibly sexual affair and has moved on already to another emotional affair. I am 7 months pregnant with a little one at home as well. I could never do this to him. I tell him I love him all the te and how much I appreciate him… Yet he would rather text these other women. I believe he likes the chase and excitement he gets and then once he feels he got what he wanted from ghat person he moves on to another. I want to leave him.. I am just not sure when I will.
I need more strength to leave which I do not have right now. I think I will just go to counseling and get dome tools I need to have the strength to leave him.
I feel for all these people with sad stories! Seems like a real life soap opera. His excuse: that he was bored! In my absence he talked to his ex, has all these women who talks to online on skype and erases his history… but says nothing would ever happen bc he loves me etc etc. And it makes me feel frustrated. On the one hand I love him and would never do anything to harm his feelings, I have dedicated myself to him… and on the other I see him as a flirt, esp behind my back.
I think I may lack trust in general, but i would never lack it without proofs and serious reasons. Now he takes his phone with him in the bathroom, feels like hiding from me, and I am left unspoken. Hardly enough time to feel unappreciated, distance in the marriage and dwingling sex…Until I discovered his multiple, long-term affairs I was the most happy, appreciative, supportive, maddly in love still after 9 years wife. I told him daily I loved him, I told him when I felt proud of him, I told him I was the luckiest woman in the world for having married him.
Did I mention the amazing, crazy, mind-blowing sex? Well…turns out, other women were more appreciative of him, more supportive, more maddly in love with him, more proud of him.
Anyway, at every opportunity, he would turn to them to seek more, and always more. Me telling him I was proud of him for something he did was not enough. He needed THEM to be proud of him. Me telling him how much I was happy with him was not enough. He needed THEM to say how much they could wait to be with him again. Me telling him how much I appreciated everything he did for me was not enough. He would turn to them to make sure THEY appreciated him.
Anyway, you get the jist. I was there all along, HE decided this was not enough. He decided to give his love to other women. He drained me emotionally. He certainly did not want to please me. He was to concentrated on pleasing them. And this is what he brought on to him: I am not appreciating him anymore, I cannot be proud of him anymore, I am not happy with him anymore.
I cannot give him love anymore because other women provide him with plenty and my love for him, obviously does not rate.
It appears that their sexting is fulfiling. While there are books that have explored the feelings and experiences of wives whose husbands have been unfaithful, the question of why men cheat and whether it is because of sexual dissatisfaction, emotional dissatisfaction, or something else has remained largely unexamined. At last, "Lessons from Cheating Husbands" presents many fascinating and provocative answers. In this book, experienced family counselor Gary Neuman shares the revealing and surprising findings of a cutting-edge research study in which he interviewed and studied close to men from 48 states who have physically cheated on their wives.
Order this Item. Add to Wishlist. He and his work have been featured in People, Time, Parents, and other major publications. He is the creator of 2 x 2 Intensive, an innovative all-day approach to couples therapy.
He maintains a private practice in Miami Beach where he lives with his wife and five children. Visit his Web site at www. The Real Reasons Men Cheat. Step Two: Change the Cheating Signals. Understanding the Male Mind: Connecting Emotionally. Image shot Exact date unknown. Tags travel affair cheat relationships unfaithful. Our editors will email you a roundup of their favourite stories from across AOL.
Follow Follow. Read More. Most Watched. Mom recites 'uplifting' poem to daughter about loving her brown eyes. I've got no choice. But there's something wrong with us. Although he felt connected to his wife, Scott says he started to feel insecure when Colleen's mother passed away. She was really looking for me to be that strong point and I kind of walked away from it because of the insecurities I was feeling and the challenges we were facing in our marriage at the time and my abilities to be able to love her as a husband.
Just as the little things are often signs that something is wrong, the little things can also help rebuild relationships, Gary says. For example, if a man tries to make breakfast and burns the toast, Gary suggests staying positive. When you give him the message mainly that you screwed up, then believe it or not, it makes him feel insecure. That's where the love really is. I asked him about it. He denied anything. He said he took the picture to send to me, which I know is a big fat lie because I wouldn't approve.
And so that was one thing. And then I've also seen e-mails from women from Russia, wanting him to be their lovers. Katherine says she has tried tracking him with a GPS unit and installing spyware on his computer, but he found both and disabled them. Gary says Katherine should try getting him to submit to a lie detector test. Gary says the truth can be very difficult for women to face because it could be the end of their marriage and the beginning of a painful divorce.
Gary says the cheater's lying is really the ultimate betrayal. Sit down with your wife and say, 'Listen. Something is wrong,'" Gary says. If you suspect your husband is cheating, Gary says there are unobtrusive ways of investigating, such as looking at cell phone records or computer histories, or try using an automobile GPS tracking device if necessary. But first, find out if GPS tracking is legal in your state. Brian and Anne say they never thought they would have to deal with an affair in their marriage.
Anne says Brian was never gone in the evenings, they were emotionally connected, and they had sex every night. Yet Brian was secretly having an affair on his lunch hour at work. And because we had both of those things, I was really unaware of how easily I could slip into an affair," Brian says.
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